Interview with Anti-Porn Advocate Shelley Lubben

Shelley Lubben

I recently conducted an interview with Shelley Lubben who went by the name Roxy while she was an active adult performer in the mid-90’s.  Since leaving sex work, Shelley has become one of the most outspoken critics against the porn industry and has established the Pink Cross Foundation to help porn addicts and adult performers.  Shelly and I discussed her past, the struggles she endured as a porn performer, and her recovery.

Where and when were you born?

May 18, 1968 in Pasadena, California

What was your family life like early on?

My early childhood was pretty uneventful. I grew up in a middle class family. I was a Brownie, attended Sunday School and was very creative. I was an extremely energetic child and my mother says raising me was like raising twins.

I felt my parents ignored me and I began to make up stories like men were trying to kidnap me when I walked to school in order to get their attention. My Dad worked a lot and loved his garage.

What was your childhood like? Were you happy?

I was bored most of the time. My parents weren’t very involved in my life and much of the time I was on my own hanging out in the neighborhood. I was often writing and directing my own plays and skits beginning at age seven where I would invite neighborhood kids to come and watch.  My 1^st grade teacher told my mother I was a creative genius and my mother replied, “Oh yes she’s very peculiar.” The teacher told her I should be put into a creative program. My mother didn’t “get it”. I was never developed and grew up very frustrated. I was left to myself and began to get into trouble.

By age 9 I was sexually abused by a teenage boy and his sister, a classmate of mine. I had my first lesbian experience at that time. I was horrified. Immense shame and guilt followed me well into my adult years. I began masturbating at 9 years old. I looked for love in boys and realized if I gave them sex they would tell me how special I was. I longed for my parents, especially my father, to notice me and give me affection but he was a workaholic. My mother was a religious nag and drove me crazy. My family spent most of our quality time together in front of the TV so I grew up with people like Jack Tripper and Lucy Ricardo as my role models.

I was writing short stories and poetry beginning at age 8. I played guitar at age 9. I was very creative and musical.

My family attended church the first 8 years of my life and then we stopped going. I loved Sunday School and what I learned still remains with me to this day.

When I was around 7 Jesus told me I would be working for Him some day and He showed me a vision of me speaking to thousands of people in an arena. I was sure someday I would be a preacher and an author. Those were my childhood dreams.

Looking back, is there anything that happened in your childhood that made you turn to the adult industry?

Yes, one of the factors that ultimately led me to be in the adult industry was sexual abuse. The other factor was lack of parenting and proper child development.

At what age did you first start using drugs and alcohol?

Age 16 I started drinking and dabbling in drugs.

I read somewhere that you become involved in prostitution at a young age. How did that come about?

I was a prostitute right out of high school after I barely graduated. I was 18. I got pregnant by a client the following year and had a baby girl in June, 1988.

Shelley on an adult box cover in the mid-90's

How did you first become involved in the porn business?  How old were you?

I was 24 years old when a woman told me I should do porn and would make much more money. By this time I was exhausted from stripping and prostituting so porn sounded better. I was wrong. Nobody told me I would catch an STD. They gave me a false sense of security telling me if I tested I would be safe.

Describe the first time you filmed an adult scene. What do you remember about the experience?

I remember big red doors that led me to a very dark and seedy place where I saw a couch with sexy pillows and lighting all around it. Naked people walking around. A pornographer looked me up and down and asked for my HIV test and my i.d. At the time they didn’t test for anything else. It was a lesbian scene mostly with one guy. We were told to be college girls and have sex with each other. I was not at all interested in having sex with a woman I didn’t know. I was very nervous although I hid it. They asked me my stage name and I had been to the Roxy the night before so I just said, “Roxy” on the spot.

I went into the back, changed  my clothes and downed a bunch of Jack Daniels. They called my name to do my scene and I felt really awkward. I kept trying to figure out if I should shake hands with someone I was about to have sex with or how should I greet them? No one to really guide me.

The director explained what he wanted out of the scene. Nobody checked each others’ tests. I didn’t know we were supposed to do that. I was very nervous and was more focused on what the hell I was about to do. The scene started and something came over me, something very dark. I just started going crazy and took over the scene out to prove I was the best. The scene ended and they threw a rag at me to clean the “stuff” off my face. I felt totally humiliated and disgusting and had tears in my eyes but I turned my head to hide them and told myself to suck it up.

During the scene the producer kept cheering me on and saying things like, “Wow you’re going to be the next big porn star. I never saw anybody give a *** like that. You are so hot Roxy”….blah blah blah. I was desperate to be noticed and so the attention was like a drug for me. I was desperate for attention. Of course the fast money was a major attraction.

After the scene the producer told me he was setting me up with a big producer where I would be doing pro movies with people like Peter North, Nikki Sinn, Ron Jeremy…. I was thinking no way would I do another movie but I really believed I had no other option. I was a single parent and totally burned out from stripping and prostitution. I took the bait and next thing you know I’m doing whatever they asked me to. I had something to prove and they KNEW I would prove it. I had to prove I was better than everyone else so I did very hardcore scenes early on in my so-called career.

You are very anti-porn these days. What are some of the negative things that you witnessed during your time in the adult business?

Where do I start. I saw and participated in drug use. We stood around naked waiting for our scene outside in the backyard where we were filming in and smoked pot and sniffed meth, coke, and whatever else was available. We got drunk in the back rooms or high in the bathroom. Some pornographers said no drugs but that just meant no drugs near the “set”.

I saw girls crying their eyes out and screaming like maniacs. I remember when I was just new I thought to myself “Why are the women so bitchy?” I found out later why of course. I saw women vomiting while their heads were forced up and down some guy’s large penis. I was one of them who gagged and vomited several times on set even though I put my hand up to stop them. They didn’t stop. I saw pornographers make women do scenes they didn’t agree to and threaten them if they didn’t. I was one of them. I experienced disgusting work conditions where rags of crap, pee and blood were thrown on the floor next to where we were “acting”. Women had hair pulled and faces smacked. We were called whore, bitch, cunt, slut and the list goes on. I was forced to do a scene I did not agree to. The pornographer threatened me and I was so naïve about it all that I actually thought he would and could sue me. I remember being very sore that day after doing so much anal sex.

I saw and experienced torn body parts. I saw used sponges and enemas on the floor in the bathroom. NOTHING was ever sanitary. The industry was and is still totally unregulated and operating ILLEGALLY according to Cal Osha’s Adult Film Standards which you can read at http://www.dir.ca.gov/DOSH/AdultFilmIndustry.html . I also saw and experienced a lot of prostitution. Pornographers set us up and we flew around the country to have sex with high dollar clients. They often expected sex without a condom and paid us enough money to do it.

Shelley Lubben

According to the IAFD (Internet Adult Film Database) you only appeared in about a dozen films over a couple of years in the industry. Do you feel like you were involved in adult films long enough to form an accurate opinion about the entire industry?

I appeared in more than a dozen films. The IAFD doesn’t list them all and also some of them are too old or too amateur to be listed.

I was in the porn industry and lived the lifestyle about 2 years. That’s long enough. Between prostitution, pornographers and performing I definitely received a big taste of the porn industry. And I have the herpes and early cervical cancer to prove it.

Your life was obviously headed in the wrong direction before you started doing porn, so do you feel like porn made it any worse? Was your recovery more difficult because you were involved with pornography than say if you were just a stripper and a prostitute?

Yes porn made it worse. The porn industry attracts and lures in people who are damaged and damages them more. They lure in the sexually exploited because they are vulnerable and will agree to be more sexually exploited. Anyway, it’s all about money. None of us enjoys making porn. It’s extremely traumatizing and hard work. There are over 100 porn stars easily who have confessed in interviews or their blogs how hard making porn is. Anyone can go online and find this information. Not to mention all the deaths in the last 20 years or even the last couple years from HIV, Suicide, Drug overdose and Homicide. No other industry kills more people due to the negative effects I just mentioned than the porn industry.

Yes, my recovery was harder due to making hardcore movies. I did things in porn I never did in prostitution.

What were some of the negative consequences you experienced personally from performing in adult films?

Herpes. Early Cervical Cancer where half of my Cervix had to be removed. Three pregnancy losses due to porn. One of them entopic and two were miscarriages. My reproductive system was very damaged after I did porn. I did prostitution 6 years and used a condom and never caught an STD. STDS lead to cervical cancer and other reproductive damage.

I also was diagnosed with mental disorders and had major emotional problems that took 8 years of hard work to recover from.

You have spoke in the past about the illusion of porn. Tell the readers about that.

Yes I have spoken about the lie of porn on the web, tv, radio interviews, churches, government and secular organizations since 2004. Since then more than a dozen other women and men have joined me and spoken out as well. And the cause grows as more and more people contact us for help and want to speak out. Every month a porn performer joins our cause and speaks out against the porn industry.

Shelley Lubben founder of the Pink Cross Foundation

There are some women who are adamant that they enjoy performing in adult films and are able to express themselves sexually by performing. What would you say to them?

I love you but bullshit. Then I would try to get them to open up and share their history and background with me which often causes porn stars to run away. Funny how they hate to talk about their childhood and history.

Remember, it’s ALWAYS about the money, not sexual expression. If it’s about sexual expression then why don’t porn stars ever work for free?

What are some statistics you have about the adult film industry?

I have been researching the porn industry for about three years and share statistics below. I can’t even keep up with all the deaths happening lately. So sad.

http://www.shelleylubben.com/index.php?truth=porn

See stats on the left. If you just want quick stats you can visit www.thepinkcross.org and they are on the right. You may check out my blog for recent deaths.

What caused you to give up making adult films? What was the final straw for you personally?

HERPES!

What was the hardest thing about walking away from adult entertainment?  What was the most difficult thing to give up?

The money $$$. The attention.

After leaving porn did you continue using drugs and working as a prostitute?

I did try to go back to prostitution but it was short lived due to me infecting a married couple with Herpes and being a total wreck due to increased drug and alcohol use in the porn industry. There were LOTS and LOTS of parties I went to where drugs and alcohol were in abundant supply and given freely. Pornographers also loved to give us drugs and alcohol. Good for business if we were intoxicated because then WE WOULD DO ANYTHING.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders?

Yes. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Impulse Control Disorder, Alcohol Dependence, Depressive Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was prescribed zoloft, sleeping pills, lithium and counseling.

Most recovering addicts describe a definite low point in their lives. When did you hit rock bottom?  When did you realize that you had to change your life?

I hit rock bottom several times but was spared by God. I overdosed and tried to commit suicide several times in my 8 year involvement in the sex industry. One suicide attempt and overdose was right after I caught Herpes. That was rock bottom for me.

How long after leaving the adult film business did you clean up your life? Was it though Christ or therapy? Or both?

Right after I left I made a serious decision to really seek God whose love and faithfulness was revealed to me through Jesus Christ. The Bible says those who diligently seek God find Him and I really did find Him, met Him in a very personal way and He did everything His book said He could do. He healed me from substance abuse, mental disorders, emotional disorders, flashbacks, horrible memories and healed my mind and THEN even did above and beyond and blessed everything my husband and I set our hands to. It’s like I won the lotto. That’s how GOOD God is. People think He’s mean and doesn’t care but they just don’t know Him. They haven’t even tried to get to know Him. Unfortunately the church has done a terrible job at revealing God to people. I am not a church person. I am Christian who believes in love and serving people that I might compel them to step into the Light and live the life they were truly meant to live. A life of purpose, meaning and beauty.

I tired therapy but didn’t work. I don’t think they were prepared to help someone like me. They prescribed me the medication listed above and made me watch anger management videos.

When did you first start working to help porn performers?

Women started contacting me in 2005. It was hard to go back to the industry after so many years. It had changed so much. It’s worse now. It’s much bigger now. I started really going after the porn stars and reaching out to them on the web in 2006 and I began to get response after response from girls telling me how screwed up the industry is and that their agent fucked them over and so and so ripped them off and how they caught HPV or another STD. Some had their cervixes removed at age 22! Some were force fed meth and slapped and spit on. Horror story after horror story and I became enraged. I knew I had to do something about it.

Shelley Lubben

Having been involved in prostitution longer than you were an adult actress why is it that your main focus is on porn these days? Why don’t you focus more on helping prostitutes?

That’s not my calling. I only do what my Father tells me to and when it’s truly the work of God, it is successful.  This is the first time in history so many women and men have left porn and are also speaking out.

Do you feel like prostitution is a larger problem since there are more women involved in prostitution than porn?

Porn stars ARE prostitutes. Porn IS prostitution and DOES involve prostitution so it’s all the same problem. Agents are pimps and porn stars are prostitutes.

http://www.lukeisback.com/essays/essays/prostitution.htm

Do you feel like the viewers of pornography are victims as well?

Absolutely.

Some girls in the industry claim to live healthy, happy lives. Do you think that there are drug-free, well adjusted adult performers anywhere out there or are all porn performers miserable?

I haven’t met one yet. I’d love to.

Porn has become a big business. Used to almost every performer walked away from the business empty handed. These days there are a select few that walk away millionaires or at least very wealthy. What would you say about them? Is it possible that porn has made some lives better?

No, it just means they get to live a little more luxurious. They pay the same ugly price. Maybe a bigger price since they are now stuck in a luxurious life style they have to pay for.

Do you think that the mainstream entertainment industry exploits women in some of the same ways the porn industry does?

No, not the same way. They aren’t forced to gag on some guy’s penis or being slapped in the face while called a whore. They also don’t risk their lives physically like porn performers do. Even Dr. Sharon Mitchell confesses that 66% of porn performers are Herpes carriers. We don’t hear statistics like that in the mainstream entertainment industry. Statistics show the death rate in the porn industry due to HIV, Suicide, Drug overdose and Homicide is more than the mainstream entertainment industry. It’s not hard to add the numbers up.

We are a society obsessed with sex. Some of your critics would argue that the problems you expose are part of a broader more cultural problem. What do you say to that?

I agree. We definitely have a huge sexualized culture thanks to the porn industry. Companies like Playboy glamorized it and exposed us to it and others followed.

When did you start the Pink Cross Foundation?

It officially began on January 24, 2009 but took a little over a year to do the legal paperwork and set up business.

Tell the readers what the Pink Cross Foundation is all about?

Pink Cross Foundation is a faith-based IRS approved 501(c)(3) public charity dedicated to reaching out to adult industry workers offering emotional, financial and transitional support. We largely focus on reaching out to the adult film industry offering support to porn stars. Pink Cross Foundation also reaches out to those struggling with pornography offering education and resources to recover.

How can adult film performers and addicts contact you?

Porn performers can contact me at help@thepinkcross.org and porn addicts can get help at www.thepinkcross.org where we offer a free web site membership where they can receive help from the Pink Cross Team which is made up of recovering porn addicts, ex porn stars and ex drug users and on and on. We’re a bunch of Ragamuffins who have been there and care.

Tell the readers about your life today.

Shelley Lubben and her husband

I’m a mother of three beautiful and healthy daughters. I live in Bakersfield, California, in a nice home my husband and I own. My husband and I are ordained Chaplains who love to help porn stars and porn addicts and pretty much anyone who crosses our path. I fight porn. I attend a University where I am pursuing my Bachelor’s Degree in Theology/Counseling. I love gardening and roses are my specialty. I study great reformers and American History.

How long have you been married?

I have been married 14 years since Feb. 14, 1995. I married a Pastor’s son who loved a beat up and broken sex worker.

Do you still struggle with your past or have temptation to return to your old lifestyle?

I don’t struggle with my past but I admit my present is pretty stressful. No, I do not have temptation to go back into sex work. The grass on the other side really is greener.

How long have you been clean and sober?

I got clean the minute I turned back to God in 1994 thanks to the Cross of Jesus Christ. Sobriety didn’t happen until 2000.

What would you say to a girl who is considering appearing in adult films?

Don’t do it. You are made for greater things than porn. And everything I wrote above.

Is there anything you would like to promote or websites you would like to tell the readers about?

I’d love to!

Pink Cross Foundation at www.thepinkcross.org

My personal web site at www.shelleylubben.com

Any final words you would like to say?

Yes, to the porn stars.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m here for you.

Shelley Lubben

Shelley on an adult box cover in the mid-90’s

Shelley Lubben

Shelley Lubben founder of the Pink Cross Foundation

Shelley Lubben

Shelley Lubben and her husband

Houston Battling Cancer

Ex-Porn Star Houston

Houston is most famous for her adult film appearances including two large gangbang videos produced in the late 90’s.  She left the adult business around 2003 and recently was diagnosed with melanoma.  She is also a born-again Christian and is a member of the XXX Church, a religious organization that helps former adult performers and porn addicts.  Here is Houston’s story in her own words:

My story, upbringing and the problems I experienced are far too common.  A family history of alcoholism and abuse and a personal history of alcoholism and drug abuse rarely lead to good things.  You can walk into any strip club or porn set in the world and will find that 99% of the women have the same back story.  Through hard work, bad luck and a lot of pain I was able to take porn to a whole new level.  I achieved national and international success and experienced people, places and things most people only dream of.

Unfortunately, those incredible highs have also been offset by horrible lows, from medical drama to addiction, divorce, kids teasing my child and now cancer.

The world of porn is one that thrives on numbness typically created by drugs and alcohol.  The more numb you are, the more you are willing to do.  The more drunk and high you are, the crazier things you do and the more you get paid. It’s a vicious cycle.  Case in point, I had sex with 620 guys in a single day.  The event was a successful publicity stunt that won me an award for best selling video of all time.  That, along with the other movies and crazy stuff I did catapulted me to the top of the adult world. I was so deep into porn that I just took the ball and ran with it, doing more and more outrageous things.

Houston early in her career

I was a single parent living in LA, supporting my daughter by doing bachelor parties, bikini contests and mud wrestling. At the same time I was also getting into mainstream acting, but not making it big fast enough.  I was introduced to a porn agent and asked if I’d like to be in a porn video, they paid very well and I thought I had nothing to lose.  That week the producer called me and asked me if I would like to be an exclusive contract girl for their company. They would pay me $10,000 a month for several films.  I was so broke and struggling that there was no question in my mind. I didn’t think of anything but the fame and money, not God, disease, my family or anything.

By 2002, I was still living in LA.   I had bought a home in the San Fernando Valley, I was a featured stripper for 32 weeks a year all over the world. I was surviving on methamphetamines to keep going and was a complete mess. I was still doing porn and basically killing myself.  I had a nanny for my daughter who would take care of us both, I don’t know how she did it.  She said she prayed for me all of the time.

By now ten years had gone by and I had become one of the biggest porn stars in the history of the adult industry. I was an empty shell full of hate and sadness and I felt totally alone.  I contemplated suicide often and all the money in the world couldn’t make me feel happy or whole.  By that time in my life I had by then been brought to my knees on several occasions, praying to God to not let me die this time.  My heart would beat so fast that I know a couple times God stepped in and saved me.

I had enough and I knew couldn’t die and leave my daughter.  I decided to sell the house and move as far away as I could afford from my druggie friends and porn.  I retired after 10 years, having been inducted into the porn hall of fame.  I thought “my daughter and I can move to Vegas and start a new life,” and that’s what we did.  I couldn’t handle the fans and the people all over; I knew I would eventually overdose if I stayed in LA.

Later, I got my real estate license and was working for a home builder.  I had been working for them for a couple of years, trying not to wear a lot of makeup, dying my hair brown and even gaining some weight as to not get recognized. In April 2008, I was fired on the spot. Someone in the corporate office recognized me.  I was devastated, I worked so hard and was a great sales person. They said they just couldn’t have me on the front lines, even if that career was in the past.

Recent photo of Houston

That same month, I was diagnosed with stage III Melanoma Cancer.  I was in complete shock, I never had a growth removed or any kind of skin issues.  It was in my lymphatic system.  In July, I had extensive surgery to remove several lymph nodes in both my right and left arm.  I recovered for a month and then in August I was put on a drug [a form of chemo] for an entire month, intravenously, everyday.  I now give myself injections at home three times a week for the remaining 11 months.  It’s a year of treatment and the percentages of survival are not good… but my attitude is.     Everyday I put on my armor when I get up.  I will beat this demon, I have beat worse. I know that I am special and God is going to use me to help others. God has something for me that I can’t even imagine.

My story is one of hope, that people can change, that women and men in porn have a choice and they don’t have to be violated or exploit themselves in order to feel accepted and loved.  There are people to help and love them unconditionally, to show them God is love.  I am growing in God everyday and will continue to learn and grow in the church.  I cannot change the past, but the past does not make my future. Everyone needs to know God is a loving God and He will love you.

I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and vowed to never be a part of the world that I had lived in before.  I have asked for forgiveness and know that I am worthy. My daughter has been attending a new church for 7 months and I started going about 4 months ago.  It’s a wonderful church and we love it.  I found out about XXXChurch there and wanted to get involved from the minute I found out about what they were doing.  I want to help these girls see that they don’t have to go that route…and if I can do it, so can they.

Houston

Recent photo of Houston

Houston early in her career

Houston from recent appearance on the Howard Stern Show

http://xxxchurch.com/blogs/news/kimberly.html

http://helphoustonfight.blogspot.com/

Max Hardcore Sentanced To 3 Years 10 Months

Max Hardcore

Max Hardcore, 50, was sentenced to 46 months in prison today.  Max whose real name is Paul Little was indicted on 10 counts of producing and distributing obscene material via the Internet and mail.  Little was also fined $7,500 as was his company Max World Entertainment.  Little was ordered to surrender the obscene material and forfeit all profits from the selling of the material.  The conviction stems from extreme videos produced in 2006, depicting women swallowing urine, vomit and other bodily fluids.  Little directed, produced and performed in the videos.  He asked the judge for leniency at sentencing stating,

“It just seems a very high price to pay, I think,” Little told U.S. District Judge Susan Bucklew, “and I ask you to understand how much I’ve suffered.”

His attorneys plan on appealing his conviction.

Max Hardcore videos are almost always rough and degrading.  There is a fair amount of urination, gagging, and rough anal sex.  The women in the videos are paid and willing participants but often cry, throw up, and generally appear to be disgusted by what they are being paid to do.  Max contends that the crying is all an act.  Still when watching one of his videos it is very difficult to tell the where the acting ends and pain begins.

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2008/oct/03/040216/judge-sentences-porn-producer-46-month-prison/

AVN Hall of Fame Performer Missy Reported Dead

Missy 1967-2008

PORN VALLEY - Missy, the soft-spoken five-foot-high blonde who took the adult industry by storm shortly after her first appearance in 1994, was reportedly found dead in her apartment in Valencia, Calif. from an accidental overdose of her prescription medication. She was 41 years old.

A funeral service was held approximately a month ago, unpublicized reportedly because Missy’s family wanted no adult industry presence at the ceremony. The death was not considered to be a suicide.

“I adored Missy,” said Joy King, Vice-President of Wicked Pictures, for whom Missy was briefly a contract performer. “I thought she was an angel, and we were deeply saddened by her tragic loss, everyone in the company, and our hearts went out to her family. She was very special.”

Missy made her adult debut in Midnight Pictures’ 1994 production Cuntrol, directed by Jim Enright, where she performed a girl/girl scene with Tiffany Mynx – though neither it nor any of her earlier features garnered good reviews.

Cuntrol, 1994

In fact, it wasn’t until Missy’s first movie for Wicked – Anal Maniacs 3, directed by Jonathan Morgan – that the critics took notice, describing her as “enormously appealing,” and her short anal scene as “quality pork.” Indeed, by 1997, Missy and then-husband Mickey G. had been signed to non-exclusive contracts with Wicked, and it was in that year that the couple directed the top-rated Heart & Soul for that company – her sole directorial credit.

Missy appeared in over 350 XXX movies during her five-year career, receiving five AVN awards – including both Best New Starlet and Female Performer of the Year at the 1997 AVN Award show – and three from the X-Rated Critics Organization (XRCO). She was inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame in 2002.

Toward the end of her career, Missy and Mickey were reportedly having escalating marital differences, and by the summer of 1999, she had effectively stopped doing scenes. She appeared in just two more movies, both likely utilizing footage shot months or years earlier.

But Missy’s ties to the adult industry didn’t break that easily. For months, rumors flew that Mickey, whom she had met while both worked at a local hospital – she in the administration department, he as a male nurse – had been a sort of Svengali, coercing her into performing sex on camera.

Desperate Measures, 1998

“I know there was some contention that that’s the way it was,” said King. “I was very close to Missy, and I never got the impression she was doing anything she didn’t want to do. I wouldn’t have hired her if I had. Had she been single, would she have searched out a career in this industry? Probably not. But she certainly didn’t seem like she was waiting until the time she could escape. She was always very, very content with what she was doing, and certainly didn’t seem unhappy in her decisions.”

Still, performer Hank Armstrong, husband of the late Anna Malle, while recalling several swing parties to which he and Anna had taken Missy and Mickey, told of a darker side to the relationship.

“About six months before she quit, we were in New York City and staying at Neville’s [Chesters] with Michael [Mickey] and Missy and we were all going to work together,” Armstrong told AVN in November, 2001. “And she had very strange behavior where she wouldn’t talk to anybody, she wasn’t socializing, and that’s not the Missy we knew, because we were all friends; we hung out. And we asked her what the hell was wrong – Anna asked her – and she goes, ‘I want to get out of the business. I’m scared. I’m afraid that Michael will kill me.’ And we go, ‘What!?’ And she goes, ‘I’m just really afraid for my health, my safety.’ She goes, ‘I want to quit and I don’t know what I’m going to do.’ And she was just very scared, and she says, ‘I’m sorry I even told you that because I know it’ll get back to him. Please don’t tell him that I said it.’ I said, ‘We’re your friends. We’re not going to tell nobody nothing.’”

Mickey G

“In our presence, he wasn’t physically or verbally abusive to her either, so we didn’t really know,” Armstrong continued. “So we shut our mouths. I mean, what could we do? We didn’t know what was going on, but that’s my personal opinion, that it was maybe physical and mental anguish that pushed her to get away.

That same month, AVN received a letter from Missy, “to tell you about my absence.” Several of her industry friends described Missy as “spiritual” when they had known her, but nothing prepared them for what was apparently the next step on his spiritual path.

“Four years ago I had a mental breakdown and went crazy,” Missy wrote. “It took alot of prayer to be normal again. The only thing is now I can’t be around alot of people…”

“Since then I’ve had several doctors and breakdowns and went through some kind of evil terror and pain. Lord God and Jesus never left me and now I will never leave them. I fear for all of you because I met something that was pure evil in that industry. I’m having premonitions of the end of time. I freaked out and had a seizure. God will not leave us. Jesus gave me a message of pure love, it was God. Now I’m a Christian and always have been. I pray for all of you all the time, because I came to your industry to one day change it to a more loving atmosphere with God. Guess what – Jesus came. Please don’t ever forget what Jesus did for us. He died so we may be with our Lord God in Heaven…”

“Michael [Mickey G.] and I aren’t together anymore because I choose to be a Christian and to not have sex any more, and also, he can’t take care of me. I don’t think anyone could have taken care of me. He can’t afford the doctors and medication or my spells. I miss that man, but I did it for his own good. Michael is a Christian as well, that’s what kept us together for so long.”

Missy, Back in the 90's

According to one source who knew Missy well, Mickey “always seemed very, very caring. He cared a lot about her. He didn’t seem overly controlling to me, although after the fact, I’ve heard he was very controlling, but it didn’t appear that way when I worked with them. He seemed to adore her. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t controlling. You don’t know the intimate details of a relationship from looking at it from the outside. I do know that when they had just split up, it wasn’t particularly pleasant, and I do know that the family wasn’t supportive of their relationship.”

Although Missy went to live with her parents after her retirement and the breakup of her marriage to Mickey, she was living alone at the time of her death.

Taken from:

http://www.avn.com/performer/articles/32557.html

Sky Lopez, Retired, Born Again, And A Hip-hop Artist

Sky Lopez

Sky Lopez was born Corrie Floris on December 23, 1975.

She started her adult film career in 1999 at the age of 24.  Sky has been a fan favorite over the last several years and is well known having previously worked as a contract girl for both Vivid Films and Shane’s World.

Sky left the adult business in 2005.  According to several sources, Sky is now an aspiring hip-hop artist and devout christian.  Sky has said that she received a religious vision during a dream one night and as a result decided to quit performing in adult films.  After leaving the adult industry Sky moved to a ministry home and studied the bible for 6 months.

She recently spoke about her time in the adult industry,

“a long, exhausting, emotional winding road that leads to nowhere but self destruction.”

Sky maintains that she has been interested in break dancing and rap music since she was 12 years old and hopes to make it big as a hip-hop artist one day.

http://www.myspace.com/skylopez

http://www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=13310

Crissy Moran … Once Was Lost, Now She Is Found

I recently stumbled upon Crissy Moran’s MySpace page and was surprised to find out that she had not only retired from her career as adult star but is also devoutly religious and is very open about her porn past. She retired from the industry for good in October 2006, and has been actively involved in her church and other organizations for over a year.

Crissy is very candid about the pain in her life that lead her to the adult business and the emptiness she felt while doing porn. She has now dedicated her time to helping other women. She is actively involved with Treasures, an organization that helps women in the Los Angeles area who are caught up in the adult entertainment business.

I sent Crissy an email requesting an interview and I am awaiting her response. Stay tuned.

The Michelle Maren Interview

Michelle Maren is a former New York City beauty queen and dancer turned adult film star. Michelle only appeared in a handful of films in the early 80’s. Her most notable films are Flash Pants, a take on the popular mainstream film and TV show Flashdance, and Throat: 12 Years After a sequel to the legendary porn film Deep Throat. Michelle left the adult entertainment industry after only a few years and eventually graduated college with a degree in Communications and has spent time working in mainstream television production. She is now a 46-year-old devout Catholic, living in New Jersey.

At the request of a reader, I did some checking on Michelle and discovered her MySpace page. Michelle later found the messages about her on this site and posted a response. After Michelle’s response, I contacted her through her MySpace and she agreed to do an interview. Below is the Q&A between Michelle and myself. Please keep in mind that the questions were emailed to Michelle and her responses were emailed back. At times some of the questions may sound stupid and irrelevant given some of Michelle’s answers, obviously the questioning would have been a little different if it were a live face-to-face interview.

Big thanks to Michelle for being so willing to do the interview. I appreciate her openness and honesty. There are so many women who get involved in adult entertainment who end up dead or screwed up. She definitely has her head on straight and has turned her life around for the best. I want to wish her happiness in all that she does because she is truly a class act.

NW: Where were you born? Where did you grow up?

MM: I was born and raised in Scotch Plains, NJ.

NW: Did you have any siblings?

MM: I am the only child of my father and mother, but have four half-brothers and sisters and one half-brother who is adopted.

NW: Describe your early childhood and family life.

MM: My family was extremely dysfunctional. I was abused both emotionally and physically. The worst thing was being isolated from others. It was a very lonely childhood.

NW: Where did you go to school?

MM: I went to public school until the ninth grade. Then I attended an all-girls Catholic high school.

NW: What was your earliest sexual encounter?

MM: Because I was so desperate to be loved by ANYBODY—I fell madly in love with the first man who offered me the smallest crumb of attention. He was a social worker at Covenant House in NYC—the place that was taking care of me when I left home. He was twenty-nine and waited until my eighteenth birthday to de-flower me.

NW: Did you go to college?

MM: Yes, I graduated at the age of forty with a 4.0 GPA. I am very proud of that because I worked so hard to earn it.

NW: Were you involved in a lot of beauty pageants?

MM: I was a contestant in the Miss New York City pageant, but didn’t make the finals. Then I won Miss Chelsea and Miss Big Apple.

NW: What year did you win Ms. Big Apple?

MM: My “reign” was 1981-82.

NW: How was the experience of winning that particular pageant?

MM: During the finals, as I was standing onstage at Town Hall lined up with my fellow contestants garbed in identical green one-piece bathing suits, I realized that my body was being compared to the other girls’. Suddenly, I felt like a head of cattle. I needed to be validated because of my non-existent self-esteem. I needed someone to tell me that I was worthwhile and beautiful. Mistakenly, I thought that winning a beauty contest would fulfill that need. However, obtaining the title of Miss Big Apple did afford me the opportunity of appearing on several local TV programs and making various public appearances in the New York City area.

NW: IMDb says that you were a singer/dancer that often opened for Tiny Tim, were you a good friend of Tim’s? If so what are your memories of him?

I was one of Tiny’s opening acts. He was a very kind man who was anything but “tiny.” I remember him towering over me and looking down with his very pretty blue eyes. He was extremely generous to newcomers–giving anyone a chance to perform. Tiny was always a gentleman.

NW: What type of music did you sing or were you primarily a dancer?

MM: I liked to sing standards—Gershwin, Arlen, Berlin, Porter, etc. When I sang in Japanese clubs, I learned many songs in Japanese. As a dancer, I did routines to Pop and Broadway tunes.

NW: Did you ever record an album?

No, I never had any interest in recording.

NW: How did you become involved in the adult industry? What factors in your life up to that point do you now see as contributing to your decision to become an adult actress?

I started out as a go-go dancer and eventually began posing in men’s magazines, which led to films. My first was FLASH PANTS. I was the “Flash Dancer” and I posed for the film’s poster and video box cover.

Over the years of working in the sex industry—not only in films, but also as a men’s magazine model and go-go dancer—I met literally hundreds of other young women doing the same. I can tell you with all certainty that women who work in the sex industry are wounded spirits, as was I. We all came from family backgrounds of abuse and/or neglect. We did not value ourselves because we were not valued as children.

NW: Were you a fan of adult films before you joined the adult industry?

MM: I was a fan of adult films neither before nor after my experience.

NW: How many adult films did you appear in?

MM: I performed in five films and worked behind-the-scenes in one—DRILLER. Joyce James had written the female lead for me, but by the time it was made I had decided to leave the business. The actress who played the part needed to have her lines looped (dubbed over). So Joyce asked me to do it.

NW: Which of your adult film roles is your favorite?

MM: I do not favor any of them. I am speaking from both my experience and my heart when I say that the adult film industry is a very dark scene. When I first started out in the business, a director told me that the adult film industry is made up of people who all initially wanted to work in “legitimate” fields. Whether they are actors, directors, or writers—none of them started out saying to themselves, “My goal is to work in porn.” Compared to the straight film industry, the porn business is very easy to get into. You have to possess only mediocre talents to get quite a bit of work.

NW: Do you have any fond memories of making adult films?

MM: The adult film industry is very seductive to a young woman lacking self-esteem. On a film set, she is told that she is pretty and there is a make-up artist, cinematographer, director, and even a script—everything that you would find on a regular movie set. During the filming of THROAT: 12 YEARS AFTER, I remember thinking, “This would be really fun, if only I didn’t have to have sex on camera.” That’s where the low self-esteem comes into play. Any woman with a firm sense of self-worth would never do such a thing. I can tell you with all sincerity that when a woman sells her body, it robs her of a piece of her soul.

NW: You mentioned that you only appeared in one boy/girl scene, what was the movie?, who was the actor, and how was your experience during the filming that scene? Did you enjoy it? was it a bad experience?

MM: Actually, I was in two boy/girl scenes in one film—THROAT: 12 YEARS AFTER. The first was with Eric Edwards—a porn veteran. The second was with George Payne who was very popular at the time. I remember trying so very hard to give a real performance. Both Eric and George were very kind but, no, I did not enjoy it. It is a fantasy that the women performing porn actually enjoy it. No one does. That is why most get high before filming a sex scene—to numb themselves. I was the only female porn actress I knew who didn’t get high and that is why I didn’t last in the industry for very long. I know this may not be what you want to hear, but I am speaking the truth. And the sex industry feeds off of lies—lies about what sex should be, lies about male-female relationships, lies about what women enjoy, lies about sexuality… Please believe me—the sex industry lies.

NW: Most of your scenes were either non-sex roles or with women. Do you or did you prefer women in your personal life or were the scenes something that you tried out of curiosity? Or for money?

MM: I am not now, nor was I ever, a lesbian. I had one girl/girl scene in PUBLIC AFFAIRS with Annette Heinz and I started to cry in the middle of it. The director had to cut and wait until I calmed myself to start filming again. I felt terrible because Annette thought I was crying because of something to do with her. I tried to assure her that it did not have anything to do with her. I simply did not want to be there.

Most women who come from a highly dysfunctional childhood find it difficult to function in mainstream society in a regular nine-to-five job. That is why I continued to work in porn even after I decided not to have sex on camera anymore. I thought, “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad as long as I don’t have sex on camera.” But I was wrong. It was still an extremely negative environment, regardless of my level of participation.

NW: What was the average pay for a porn girl back then?

MM: As I recall, I was paid $1500 for THROAT: 12 YEARS AFTER for three days work. I believe “West Coast Girls” were paid more.

NW: You appeared in the film Shauna Every Man’s Fantasy w/ Shauna Grant, did you actually get to meet Shauna? If so what are your memories of her? Was she troubled? Did she show signs of the bad things that eventually happened to her?

MM: I never met Shauna. When I started working in the industry, Shauna had already quit. In addition to performing in films and posing in magazines, I also wrote articles. I was assigned to write an article about Shauna’s life. She was scheduled to start filming a “comeback” film the day after she shot herself. At the same time, her boyfriend (who was in prison for dealing drugs) told her to move out of his house. I think she felt lost and hopeless and the thought of going back to porn was too much. Yes, Shauna was troubled, as are all women who perform in adult films. The number of suicides, over-doses, murders and AIDS-related deaths are quite high among porn actors.

NW: You also appeared in the film Public Affairs along side porn legend Annette Haven. What was it like working with Annette? What are your memories of her?

MM: I have never seen this film, but I don’t believe that I had any scenes with Annette Haven. I only remember the scene with Annette Heinz, which I have already described.

NW: What is the wildest or craziest memory or experience you have thinking back to your time in the adult business?

MM: When I was working on PUBLIC AFFAIRS, they were supposed to feed the actors. For lunch, a couple of crewmembers dragged in a large black garbage bag filled with some sort of stew. The garbage bag burst open and huge amounts of brown sludge-like stew flowed throughout the studio. This incident showed me how the filmmakers regarded the actors—we were befitting of eating garbage.

In FLASH PANTS, there was a girl appearing in the film who was underage. Yet it was legal for her to perform because her mother was on the set and signed the release forms. I remember the mother brought homemade macaroni salad for the cast and crew.

In the same film, there was a young woman who was covered with bruises. I asked the make-up artist about her, and was told, “Oh yeah, her boyfriend beats her.” No one did anything about it. Her bruises are clearly visible in the film.

Getting the shot is the most important thing. It doesn’t matter if the woman is high or battered or even underage—as long as you get that shot.

NW: Why did you decide to quit making adult movies?

MM: My conscience told me that it was the wrong thing to do.

NW: Do you regret your decision to appear in adult movies?

MM: I am grateful that I got out when I did.

NW: If you could give a bit of advice to girls who are thinking of getting involved in adult entertainment or are already involved in the industry what would it be?

MM: If asked for my advice, I would say to a women who is attracted to any aspect of the sex industry that she would benefit from a close inspection of herself. The sex industry is a world of loneliness and lies, of emptiness and coldness, of hurting human beings who pretend that they don’t feel the agony. It is a slow suicide—a suicide of shame. Fulfillment cannot be found in the sex industry. It will only pull you lower into the pit of darkness. Value yourself and live in the light.

NW: You mentioned that you have some porn actresses on your MySpace friends list. Do you keep in touch with any of the porn people from your time in the industry or are these people that you met after you left the business?

MM: I always thought that porn actors are good people. Through MySpace, I recently re-connected with Ron Jeremy, with whom I never worked, but met at a film premiere. The women from my day have either moved on to other things or, sadly, have passed away. There are some women on my page who are currently working in the industry, but I do not preach to them. I try to live by example. But if anyone asks me questions regarding my faith, I am more than happy to answer.

NW: Do you still watch adult films?

MM: I was never interested in watching adult films.

NW: Do you consider adult films immoral?

MM: I believe adult films are extremely immoral because they promote the objectification of women and the objectification of sex—which is a beautiful gift from God to be shared by a loving husband and wife. I choose to live a celibate life until I marry.

NW: Have you ever been married? If so, how many times and are you currently married now?

MM: I have never been married, although I came very close a few times. However, I haven’t given up hope that God will provide me with a wonderful husband.

NW: Do you have any children? If so, how many? how old are they? If not, then what has been behind your decision to not have children?

MM: I have never had any children. Though I love animals and consider my pets my children.

NW: Your faith is obviously a big part of your life these days. Did your faith play a part in your decision to quit appearing in adult films or was it something you became more serious about later in life?

MM: I was baptized at the age of thirty—many years after my decision to quit the adult film industry. Yet, I know that the Holy Spirit was always speaking to me and guiding me. Sometimes I just didn’t listen.

NW: Were you raised Catholic or did you convert later in life?

MM: Though I attended a Catholic high school, I was not Catholic. In my late twenties, I wanted to join a Christian church but was confused by all the different denominations. I prayed to God for guidance. Every weekend I visited a different denomination. When I arrived at a Catholic Church, it felt “right.” I took religious instruction and was baptized and confirmed in 1991. Now I try to live a life that’s pleasing to God. Through my faith my life has direction and purpose, which was previously lacking.

NW: Do you currently work? If so what do you do for a living? What other jobs have you held since leaving the porn business?

MM: Suffice it to say that I have a degree in Communications and have worked in television production.

NW: Where do you currently live? You do not need to be very specific on this question.

MM: After living in New York for many years, I moved back to New Jersey.

NW: What are your goals, dreams, aspirations?

MM: I would like to finish my autobiography, which I’ve been working on for ages. I would like to get it published and do public speaking engagements. Also, I would like to produce and host an uplifting Catholic variety show, much in the same vein as the old Jim and Tammy PTL Show.

Thank you for your interest in my life. I have tried my best to answer your questions honestly.–